Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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