i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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