Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize