Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize