I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize