Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
