real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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