i may or may not be watching the land before time
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
