Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
