Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
