My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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