I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
