my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
