so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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