I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
