Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
