So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
