Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Are my feet made of real feet?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
