so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
