ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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