Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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