i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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