Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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