I'm so fucking centered right now
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
