you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
