I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
