I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
