I wish i was in the wii world.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
