What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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