We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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