i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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