You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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