he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
