You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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