Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
