I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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