is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Man, jail baloney is awful.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
MIDGETS
????
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
