I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
