Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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