i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
My ass is underappreciated
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
