everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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