The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Text me some of your sweat
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize