We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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