need another drink. this is the easiest way
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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