I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
