so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
