That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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