WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
