well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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