We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
