ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
