he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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