I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
