the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize