med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
