it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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