Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Text me some of your sweat
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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