I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
