There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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