Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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