Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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