We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
