tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
