i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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