I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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