god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Randomize