Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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