Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
